So here is the update for all of you that read my blog.
After our fresh cycle didn't work out for us we had to re-evaluate what our next step would be. I see myself as a planner and always like to plan ahead no matter what the process is we are going through. Nick however, within our IVF process stuff sees that as being negative. He would rather assume that is is going to work out and just plan for it to work and address what we will do if it doesn't at the time. For the first fresh cycle this was much easier to do. Afterall we had not had an IVF cycle before and I thought this is really it, this is what will finally bring us our baby.
So when we got the news that it did not work and we were not pregnant it was devastating.
We decided to take a month off and try again with a frozen embryo cycle or FET this month. We had two blastocysts, or day five embryos, transferred on this past Friday morning. We can test in nine days which is a huge blessing since we had to wait much longer it seems like last time. I think this is because our embryos are two days older. I already know what we will do for a plan b, Or plan c rather since this will be our second attempt. Doc has suggested that patients with endometriosis sometimes to better with embryo transfers after three months of supression therapy, which is three months on birth control or steroids to prevent any new scarring my the disease. So that would make one more transfer in Arkansas before we move to Florida in June.
The only anxiety I am having is fear of the test. I know that quitters never win and winners never quit and we are actively trying for our child and doing everything in our power that will get us there. I am scared to hope I guess. I know hope is there because I do get excited, but I was excited last time too. To the point of looking at nursery decor and cribs from Pottery Barn. I know there is no harm in getting that excited again and checking out out swings and bedding. Perhaps there is no way around the fear and anxiety in the test. I just pray and pray for God to calm my nerves and ease my tension about the test, now in only seven days.....
I know there is a plan for us and that God will place a child in our arms through his work. Just need to keep repeating that mantra over and over until test day.
Therefor I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. - Mark 11:24
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Moving Forward
A few days ago my world crashed down around me. Our IVF cycle had failed.
While I found myself to be unusually calm during the dreaded two week wait I found it surprising when I woke with a feeling of dread the morning that I could test.
When we were at the drug class in Texas they did tell us that we should not be taking any urine pregnancy tests before the blood test because the results would be inaccurate due to the hormones we were on. Well to me, thats like telling a bird not to fly.....
So, with research from tons of completely reliable websites...scoff....I managed to sneak a urine test a full five days before my blood test was due. Of course it was negative. After having one full day of crazy, I read online that blood tests will always show the correct results 8-10 days sooner before the urine tests so I stopped the freaking out and resumed the calm and peaceful talks to the embryos inside me.
Each morning I told them how much we loved them, prayed for them every day, couldn't wait to meet them, if they would just hang on for the next nine months I promised them everything under the sun. After three hours and no call from either the base hospital or the doctors in Texas I thought something was wrong. It turns out that I was the only one they hadn't heard from that day and after mass confusion to include doctors not being able to get in contact with the lab, busy phone lines and computers being down I was told I could go get the results myself. With a very shaky and sweaty hand I filled out the medical release paper work that would allow me to release my bloodwork...to.....myself....explain that round about to me....
The results were what I feared they might be. Negative. After crying the the base parking lot with my husband we went home to grieve and try to move forward.
We have nine embryos from the transfer and from what I've read and been told by the doctors that is a very good number. My doctor also told me he was quite shocked that the IVF didn't work as we were ideal candidates and did everything correctly and the embryos that we put in were perfect. He said we couldn't have had more perfect embryos. I asked if my endometriosis could have played a factor in the failure of the cycle and he said it was possible but we had no way to know for sure.
I felt horrible at this news for a few days and very much blamed myself. I know it was not my fault that I had endometriosis but it could have been my fault because I had the disease that the IVF did not work. I felt as though my uterus was just a bad environment. After being consoled by my wonderful husband many times I began to feel better but not completely hopeful.
Something uplifting that the doctor did tell us, is that people with endometriosis usually do better with a frozen cycle (meaning just the embryos transfer without the egg producing drugs) because your ovaries and uterus are not bombarded with all of the drugs needed to actually produce the embryos. The theory is that a fresh IVF cycle is a very harsh environment for your reproductive area and that with a frozen one you are not even on any meds until the day of the transfer. So, with that news we will be taking a short break and resuming our trying with a frozen embryo transfer in November.
Each day that passes I feel more hopeful for another cycle. I am trying to find Gods reasoning in our first IVF cycle failing. I am praying that is is because one of our children is lying in wait in one of those nine precious embryos. I do realize that God has a plan for us, and that I will be a mother some day. It is just harder to grip so close to the grief of losing the first two embryos.
Six months ago we also had an offer of a surrogate. This, I believe was an offer straight from God. Because if none of the frozen cycles worked we would move towards adoption. Which is not to say that adoption would be our last option in any ways, simply due to monetary issues, we would not have been able to afford a surrogate through an agency.
Adoption is in our family plan and always has been, my heart has been set to adopt from somewhere overseas since I was a child. Nick and I are both on board with this, however we realize how expensive it is and will need to save for years for this dream to become a reality. We plan on having a separate savings account just for this reason.
Although my heart is leaning towards having our gestational carrier carry the embryos first and not doing a frozen cycle, many people close to me, including the most important person, my husband, believe that I should try at least one frozen cycle on my own first. There are many reasons for me leaning the way I am at the moment and the most obvious is that our surrogate doesn't have any kind of reproductive issues with her uterus like I do. In other words, healthy environment for baby. Also I can't imagine the feeling of overwhelming love that will come to this child knowing that not only their mom and dad loved them so much but they will forever have a special connection to their surrogate. It just really seems as if my heart is in the right place with this movement.
I know that being able to carry my own child would be the most ideal situation but I am already ready if that is not the case. I can only see the end result of holding our baby in our arms. I don't care one way or the other how they got there.
We have been blessed in finding out that we will not have to pay for one cycle and this does relieve quite a bit of stress from us for the next step. In the spirit of being hopeful and being positive I am looking forward to moving forward with this. Documents are signed and the embryos should be on their way to Arkansas within a week or so. I also have confidence that this will be a more relaxing cycle because we are able to be in our own home the entire time. Not in another state, worrying about dinners and every other expense that comes along with traveling. I have an appointment next week for a physical and to talk to my doctor about the transfer process and get some questions answered.
Praying to be content in our situation, for hope in the next venture and for peace in not knowing what Gods plan is for us but that he will bless us with our baby in our arms very, very soon.
Taylor
While I found myself to be unusually calm during the dreaded two week wait I found it surprising when I woke with a feeling of dread the morning that I could test.
When we were at the drug class in Texas they did tell us that we should not be taking any urine pregnancy tests before the blood test because the results would be inaccurate due to the hormones we were on. Well to me, thats like telling a bird not to fly.....
So, with research from tons of completely reliable websites...scoff....I managed to sneak a urine test a full five days before my blood test was due. Of course it was negative. After having one full day of crazy, I read online that blood tests will always show the correct results 8-10 days sooner before the urine tests so I stopped the freaking out and resumed the calm and peaceful talks to the embryos inside me.
Each morning I told them how much we loved them, prayed for them every day, couldn't wait to meet them, if they would just hang on for the next nine months I promised them everything under the sun. After three hours and no call from either the base hospital or the doctors in Texas I thought something was wrong. It turns out that I was the only one they hadn't heard from that day and after mass confusion to include doctors not being able to get in contact with the lab, busy phone lines and computers being down I was told I could go get the results myself. With a very shaky and sweaty hand I filled out the medical release paper work that would allow me to release my bloodwork...to.....myself....explain that round about to me....
The results were what I feared they might be. Negative. After crying the the base parking lot with my husband we went home to grieve and try to move forward.
We have nine embryos from the transfer and from what I've read and been told by the doctors that is a very good number. My doctor also told me he was quite shocked that the IVF didn't work as we were ideal candidates and did everything correctly and the embryos that we put in were perfect. He said we couldn't have had more perfect embryos. I asked if my endometriosis could have played a factor in the failure of the cycle and he said it was possible but we had no way to know for sure.
I felt horrible at this news for a few days and very much blamed myself. I know it was not my fault that I had endometriosis but it could have been my fault because I had the disease that the IVF did not work. I felt as though my uterus was just a bad environment. After being consoled by my wonderful husband many times I began to feel better but not completely hopeful.
Something uplifting that the doctor did tell us, is that people with endometriosis usually do better with a frozen cycle (meaning just the embryos transfer without the egg producing drugs) because your ovaries and uterus are not bombarded with all of the drugs needed to actually produce the embryos. The theory is that a fresh IVF cycle is a very harsh environment for your reproductive area and that with a frozen one you are not even on any meds until the day of the transfer. So, with that news we will be taking a short break and resuming our trying with a frozen embryo transfer in November.
Each day that passes I feel more hopeful for another cycle. I am trying to find Gods reasoning in our first IVF cycle failing. I am praying that is is because one of our children is lying in wait in one of those nine precious embryos. I do realize that God has a plan for us, and that I will be a mother some day. It is just harder to grip so close to the grief of losing the first two embryos.
Six months ago we also had an offer of a surrogate. This, I believe was an offer straight from God. Because if none of the frozen cycles worked we would move towards adoption. Which is not to say that adoption would be our last option in any ways, simply due to monetary issues, we would not have been able to afford a surrogate through an agency.
Adoption is in our family plan and always has been, my heart has been set to adopt from somewhere overseas since I was a child. Nick and I are both on board with this, however we realize how expensive it is and will need to save for years for this dream to become a reality. We plan on having a separate savings account just for this reason.
Although my heart is leaning towards having our gestational carrier carry the embryos first and not doing a frozen cycle, many people close to me, including the most important person, my husband, believe that I should try at least one frozen cycle on my own first. There are many reasons for me leaning the way I am at the moment and the most obvious is that our surrogate doesn't have any kind of reproductive issues with her uterus like I do. In other words, healthy environment for baby. Also I can't imagine the feeling of overwhelming love that will come to this child knowing that not only their mom and dad loved them so much but they will forever have a special connection to their surrogate. It just really seems as if my heart is in the right place with this movement.
I know that being able to carry my own child would be the most ideal situation but I am already ready if that is not the case. I can only see the end result of holding our baby in our arms. I don't care one way or the other how they got there.
We have been blessed in finding out that we will not have to pay for one cycle and this does relieve quite a bit of stress from us for the next step. In the spirit of being hopeful and being positive I am looking forward to moving forward with this. Documents are signed and the embryos should be on their way to Arkansas within a week or so. I also have confidence that this will be a more relaxing cycle because we are able to be in our own home the entire time. Not in another state, worrying about dinners and every other expense that comes along with traveling. I have an appointment next week for a physical and to talk to my doctor about the transfer process and get some questions answered.
Praying to be content in our situation, for hope in the next venture and for peace in not knowing what Gods plan is for us but that he will bless us with our baby in our arms very, very soon.
Taylor
Friday, September 23, 2011
Before the chicken came the.....
As I am still in some pain from the egg retrieval I won't be posting a video any time soon because I look like a cave woman from a distant planet....
SO, the news with the eggs is thus: Retrieval day went well although as often as I prayed for calm and peace and sanity, I did lose it for a minute when I saw one of the nurses pull out a needle (actually a probe with a needle on the end of it) that was the length of my elbow to the tip of my middle finger. No exaggeration needed. Then came the freak out and I'm sorry but the whole lack of modesty thing is a little hard to keep in check when you are available for ALL to see, and non medicated. I mean I realize that they do this thing every day (I kept hearing that I was the 2,001 patient) but it is still hard to keep your fears in perspective after seeing the big A needle and not even having the goofy juice on board.
Thankfully one of the nurses that was in there with me was the same one that I had been dealing with on the phone for over a year so and she was very kind and soothing, made even more so by the fact that when she noticed how upset I was, she started to administer the drugs....yeeaaaahhhhhhh......zzzzzzzz.....
So I wasn't totally knocked out for the procedure and I do remember being quite uncomfortable at times during the extraction but for the most part it didn't hurt as bad as I expected it to. Have been in some pain yesterday and all day today, but the pain meds definitely help. They also cause me to sleep for 12 hours a time so I'm trying to hold off until bedtime! I felt bad having Nick sit here in the room with me while I suffered/slept, so I tried to get him to take us to a movie today, which he replied that he is content to sit and watch movies while I rest, since I apparently look like an injured zombie walking around the room. Rest today it is!
The EXCELLENT news that we got this morning is that out of the 20 eggs retrieved, yes 20...(apparently a great number) we were told that about half would fertilize. A call from our doctor this morning revealed that we had 16 that turned into embryos!!!!!! CRAZY! I am so excited, I mean we have had nothing but sign, after sign, after positive sign on this trip that things are going to work out in our favor and this number has really just made it seem like I was not losing my mind. That number may decrease by the time they are transferred, which is Sunday morning, but since we are only putting in two, that is a great number to work with!
Waiting the appropriate amount of days to test will be excruciating, hopefully can find a new hobby, or take up one that I have been neglecting to help the time pass quickly. My next door neighbor here had her transfer yesterday morning and they gave her the first ultrasound picture!! I can't begin to tell you how elated that makes me. Having something like that to carry around with me until test day will be a living testimony of hope to hold on to.
One happy, (albeit sore), lucky and blessed girl.
SO, the news with the eggs is thus: Retrieval day went well although as often as I prayed for calm and peace and sanity, I did lose it for a minute when I saw one of the nurses pull out a needle (actually a probe with a needle on the end of it) that was the length of my elbow to the tip of my middle finger. No exaggeration needed. Then came the freak out and I'm sorry but the whole lack of modesty thing is a little hard to keep in check when you are available for ALL to see, and non medicated. I mean I realize that they do this thing every day (I kept hearing that I was the 2,001 patient) but it is still hard to keep your fears in perspective after seeing the big A needle and not even having the goofy juice on board.
Thankfully one of the nurses that was in there with me was the same one that I had been dealing with on the phone for over a year so and she was very kind and soothing, made even more so by the fact that when she noticed how upset I was, she started to administer the drugs....yeeaaaahhhhhhh......zzzzzzzz.....
So I wasn't totally knocked out for the procedure and I do remember being quite uncomfortable at times during the extraction but for the most part it didn't hurt as bad as I expected it to. Have been in some pain yesterday and all day today, but the pain meds definitely help. They also cause me to sleep for 12 hours a time so I'm trying to hold off until bedtime! I felt bad having Nick sit here in the room with me while I suffered/slept, so I tried to get him to take us to a movie today, which he replied that he is content to sit and watch movies while I rest, since I apparently look like an injured zombie walking around the room. Rest today it is!
The EXCELLENT news that we got this morning is that out of the 20 eggs retrieved, yes 20...(apparently a great number) we were told that about half would fertilize. A call from our doctor this morning revealed that we had 16 that turned into embryos!!!!!! CRAZY! I am so excited, I mean we have had nothing but sign, after sign, after positive sign on this trip that things are going to work out in our favor and this number has really just made it seem like I was not losing my mind. That number may decrease by the time they are transferred, which is Sunday morning, but since we are only putting in two, that is a great number to work with!
Waiting the appropriate amount of days to test will be excruciating, hopefully can find a new hobby, or take up one that I have been neglecting to help the time pass quickly. My next door neighbor here had her transfer yesterday morning and they gave her the first ultrasound picture!! I can't begin to tell you how elated that makes me. Having something like that to carry around with me until test day will be a living testimony of hope to hold on to.
One happy, (albeit sore), lucky and blessed girl.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Video Update
All you need to know. :)
http://www.youtube.com/user/LoadMastersWifey?feature=mhee
Stress free, love and happiness.
TE
http://www.youtube.com/user/LoadMastersWifey?feature=mhee
Stress free, love and happiness.
TE
Sunday, September 11, 2011
*Insert clever blog post title here...
Second day on the meds and no side effects to speak of! Well except the fact that I wake up from naps, Yes naps, two days in a row I have felt the extreme desire for sleep in the middle of the day, all sweaty and hot. Although, this may be because I started a cycle on Friday morning.
Yes. My period, which, by the way, FREAKED me out so much because noone mentioned to me that I would get another one!!! I was under the impression that after I started on the birth control that I would start the hormone shots shortly afterwards and would have the embryo transfer before I could get another period and with the Grace of God would not have another one for nine months! After getting up a few times in the night to use the bathroom (a common thing for me) Nick gets up before me and heads to the bathroom himself in the morning. He comes back in the bedroom and asks if all the blood was from my nose.... My eyes flew open. Blood? What?
Sure enough it was quite a bit. Just a heavier than normal one. But a period none the less. I was so scared thinking that I was not supposed to get my period and we were also supposed to start our hormones this very morning! While the brain hamster was frantically running laps it also surmised that I may be sent home only to have to come down next month to try and do another cycle again because my body had somehow flipped out and started my period a whole three weeks early! Nick called the on call doctor who was unaware of what to do with an IVF patient (even though we were told to call this specific number and identify ourselves as an IVF patient) after talking to two nurses and a second doctor, our IVF doctor finally called us back and said that it was expected that I get my period and that they wanted to be able to control every aspect of it down to a T. Well perhaps you should inform your patients that a period is to be expected...so that they don't have a nervous breakdown when it does occur!! Another call to check and see if I could take my narcotics for my endometriosis and we were right back on schedule.
Spent a day at the riverwalk with our next door neighbor Conny, a fellow IVF patient and the only other out-of-towner in this cycle. (Which is kind of disappointing because I was hoping to meet all the other couples but they are all at their respective houses in San Antonio and the drug class only included Conny and I because we are actually synced up together) I guess there is a chance I could meet some other girls in the cycle before we leave which would be nice to have something so special to bond over. Connie is really sweet, army wife, originally from Germany but stationed in Oklahoma. Her husband can't get the time off that Nick was given so he can't come down until a week from now so we invite her along with us on some excursions.We enjoyed delicious mexican food and fed the ducks, one of whom took a liking to Nick and actually took a little nap right under his leg, so cute. Discovered Rocky Mountain Chocolate Company and grabbed a Tiger Butter Caramel Apple to take home and devour later.
Tomorrow its off to find a prime goofy golf location and search for the outlet malls. Dinner is baked ziti with Italian tofu sausage! (doing very well with the vegetarian switch so far! It was easy to quit with the red meat and pork but having to weed out the chicken a little slower. Still consuming plenty of seafood, which I do not plan on stopping for many reasons.)
Goodnight all!
Shot date!
With fellow IVF patient Conny in the kitchen (where the meds are kept in a separate fridge). We have two shots a day at the moment and this is our 9:30 p.m. excursion.
**** Blood related talk below, if its too gross for you feel free to skip :) ****
Yes. My period, which, by the way, FREAKED me out so much because noone mentioned to me that I would get another one!!! I was under the impression that after I started on the birth control that I would start the hormone shots shortly afterwards and would have the embryo transfer before I could get another period and with the Grace of God would not have another one for nine months! After getting up a few times in the night to use the bathroom (a common thing for me) Nick gets up before me and heads to the bathroom himself in the morning. He comes back in the bedroom and asks if all the blood was from my nose.... My eyes flew open. Blood? What?
Sure enough it was quite a bit. Just a heavier than normal one. But a period none the less. I was so scared thinking that I was not supposed to get my period and we were also supposed to start our hormones this very morning! While the brain hamster was frantically running laps it also surmised that I may be sent home only to have to come down next month to try and do another cycle again because my body had somehow flipped out and started my period a whole three weeks early! Nick called the on call doctor who was unaware of what to do with an IVF patient (even though we were told to call this specific number and identify ourselves as an IVF patient) after talking to two nurses and a second doctor, our IVF doctor finally called us back and said that it was expected that I get my period and that they wanted to be able to control every aspect of it down to a T. Well perhaps you should inform your patients that a period is to be expected...so that they don't have a nervous breakdown when it does occur!! Another call to check and see if I could take my narcotics for my endometriosis and we were right back on schedule.
Spent a day at the riverwalk with our next door neighbor Conny, a fellow IVF patient and the only other out-of-towner in this cycle. (Which is kind of disappointing because I was hoping to meet all the other couples but they are all at their respective houses in San Antonio and the drug class only included Conny and I because we are actually synced up together) I guess there is a chance I could meet some other girls in the cycle before we leave which would be nice to have something so special to bond over. Connie is really sweet, army wife, originally from Germany but stationed in Oklahoma. Her husband can't get the time off that Nick was given so he can't come down until a week from now so we invite her along with us on some excursions.We enjoyed delicious mexican food and fed the ducks, one of whom took a liking to Nick and actually took a little nap right under his leg, so cute. Discovered Rocky Mountain Chocolate Company and grabbed a Tiger Butter Caramel Apple to take home and devour later.
At the Riverwalk with Nick.
Same photo was taken in this exact location six years ago after Nicks graduation from Basic Training!
Tomorrow its off to find a prime goofy golf location and search for the outlet malls. Dinner is baked ziti with Italian tofu sausage! (doing very well with the vegetarian switch so far! It was easy to quit with the red meat and pork but having to weed out the chicken a little slower. Still consuming plenty of seafood, which I do not plan on stopping for many reasons.)
Goodnight all!
Friday, September 9, 2011
Drug class 101
We are here! Sign outside of our clinic at Brooke Army Medical Center
Ok so I am starting to do more videos as a nice little souvenir to have WHEN the baby comes. This is the only language I will be using during the process, positive! And I have loved seeing others IVF video blogs online and have loved the support and information they have given me. Hopefully others will be able to gain something from my videos as well.
All of the needles for the course of my cycle! Yikes!! (although I tell myself if I can deal with Endometriosis I can certainly deal with some shots!)
We start our meds on Saturday, Nick has to take an antibiotic until the embryo transfer but I am the lucky one with all the needles. lol. I am used to giving myself subcutaneous injections since that is what we have done for the past two years at Dr. Millers office with Gonal F. Those aren't a big deal. Its the intramuscular injections that are just a tiny bit scary to me. Although I was told that getting my Depo shots over the years were also intramuscular and they didn't bother me too bad so if I can just remember those then I will be ok.
Video blog link: http://www.youtube.com/user/LoadMastersWifey?feature=mhee
The fisher house video has poor lighting and the drug class part one video has poor sound but I promise the next one will be perfect on both ends! Just started video blogging so I am still learning! We start our drugs tomorrow morning! Bring on the hormones and side effects! ha ha!
Till next time...
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Zoological....
We spent the first three nights and two full days in Dallas and had a nice time. Especially since the weather was a gorgeous and breezy 80 degrees at its highest! We spent the first day at the Dallas Zoo, which was HUGE. The sign out front boasts the largest in the southwest. Dallas was extremely windy, which wasn't that bad for the most part, hair stuck to lip gloss however, didn't agree. :)
The Zoo was also a fantastic deal for the size and amount of education they offered to the public. With Nicks military ID we both got in for only twenty dollars total. All of the habitats were very clean, rather large and all of the animals looked happy and well cared for. Below are some videos of the Baboons (Nick with the funny commentary) and a six week old baby giraffe we got to spend some time with. She was so cute and ran around her little area much to the delight of everyone there.
The Zoo was also a fantastic deal for the size and amount of education they offered to the public. With Nicks military ID we both got in for only twenty dollars total. All of the habitats were very clean, rather large and all of the animals looked happy and well cared for. Below are some videos of the Baboons (Nick with the funny commentary) and a six week old baby giraffe we got to spend some time with. She was so cute and ran around her little area much to the delight of everyone there.
A mother with her two daughters and one son, these otters were SO adorable
First blood draw and labs tomorrow morning at 6:30 am...although tonight at dinner I was telling Nick that I don't remember if it is at Wilford Hall Medical Center or BAMSEE, which is the Army Base that the procedure is being done at which is about twenty minutes down the road.....Oops. I literally wrote everything else down so I can't believe I forgot to write that detail down. Am just going to show up at Wilford Hall at six am and hopefully I will be able to talk to someone there and it will be early enough to head to the other location if it is there....
Then we have our first drug class at 1:30 to go over all the meds I'll be loading up on! Fun, Fun! :)
Ok so its a pain to upload the videos to the blog so I'm going to upload them to my youtube account. Warning: my youtube account is mostly used for making mushy I-love-you videos to Nick while he is deployed. Feel free to avoid the side panel. ;) And since the upload is telling me its now going to take 60 minutes, must be slow speeds here... it will probably be tomorrow before its uploaded!
Till then!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Baby-cation!
Today was my last day at work for three weeks! I have to say that just the idea of being able to get away with the handsome husband by ourselves for the first time since the honeymoon is a glorious thought in itself! Wonderful in-laws has set us up for an early start to our "baby-cation" with three nights in Dallas!
We get to start the trip with a visit to the uh-maze-ing IKEA!, the zoo in Dallas claims to be one of the biggest in the South East so we may check that out, Perhaps the Aquarium since that looks neat and rather large, I'd like to check out the Holocaust museum, Nick found a cool museum called the Sixth Floor Museum which I believe is the history surrounding where J.F.K. was shot. I have been told that there was great food and fabulous shopping so all in all a great start!
Also I learned yesterday that our room was confirmed at the Fisher House so that is one less worry to check off the list.
A few co-workers gave me some trinkets and a good luck brownie today as going away/good luck gifts! I am telling you it doesn't matter what the gift is just the idea that they thought of you, prayed for you and are wishing you the best of luck just made me smile.
The little angel is a "miracle angel" from one of my bosses at work and the card is from her as well. Inside it reads, "Believe and know that God WILL give you the desires of your heart. Go and get your miracle!" She said that she prayed over it and that it is very special. Isn't that so sweet! I nearly cried while hugging her. The two rocks are from a co-worker who says the brown one (I forget what it is called, sad I know I should have researched this before this blog post but after being up since five am please forgive the lack of information!) is for fertility and the pink one (she said picked for my favorite color as well as the benefits) is for good luck and I believe health? Anyways I plan on having every talisman on me possible probably the entire trip but mainly during the embryo transfer! Also am taking a fertility necklace my mother had blessed in the Philippines for fertility which she attributes to me. :) Lets face it, any extra bit of luck goes along fantastic with every bit of faith.
Am starting a list tomorrow of things to take along and am going to search around for easy recipes for dinner while we are at The Fisher House. Not a lot of pots and pans to wash, easy storage and what not. We are taking along the video camera and assuming I can figure out some editing skills on the fly, am planning some video updates along the road as well. Nick has generously agreed to add to the humorous commentary. Not sure how quick-witted/funny/informative they will be but it will be a amazing compilation of memories for the new bebe' to have one day when he/she leaves the nest.
Only nine pm on a Friday and I am exhausted already!! Last hair appointment until we can take "The Test" which would be another six weeks or so from now, is tomorrow. Lots of errand running, animal dropping off at friends houses and packing, packing, oooohhhh the packing.
Excitement abound!
<3
We get to start the trip with a visit to the uh-maze-ing IKEA!, the zoo in Dallas claims to be one of the biggest in the South East so we may check that out, Perhaps the Aquarium since that looks neat and rather large, I'd like to check out the Holocaust museum, Nick found a cool museum called the Sixth Floor Museum which I believe is the history surrounding where J.F.K. was shot. I have been told that there was great food and fabulous shopping so all in all a great start!
Also I learned yesterday that our room was confirmed at the Fisher House so that is one less worry to check off the list.
A few co-workers gave me some trinkets and a good luck brownie today as going away/good luck gifts! I am telling you it doesn't matter what the gift is just the idea that they thought of you, prayed for you and are wishing you the best of luck just made me smile.
The little angel is a "miracle angel" from one of my bosses at work and the card is from her as well. Inside it reads, "Believe and know that God WILL give you the desires of your heart. Go and get your miracle!" She said that she prayed over it and that it is very special. Isn't that so sweet! I nearly cried while hugging her. The two rocks are from a co-worker who says the brown one (I forget what it is called, sad I know I should have researched this before this blog post but after being up since five am please forgive the lack of information!) is for fertility and the pink one (she said picked for my favorite color as well as the benefits) is for good luck and I believe health? Anyways I plan on having every talisman on me possible probably the entire trip but mainly during the embryo transfer! Also am taking a fertility necklace my mother had blessed in the Philippines for fertility which she attributes to me. :) Lets face it, any extra bit of luck goes along fantastic with every bit of faith.
Am starting a list tomorrow of things to take along and am going to search around for easy recipes for dinner while we are at The Fisher House. Not a lot of pots and pans to wash, easy storage and what not. We are taking along the video camera and assuming I can figure out some editing skills on the fly, am planning some video updates along the road as well. Nick has generously agreed to add to the humorous commentary. Not sure how quick-witted/funny/informative they will be but it will be a amazing compilation of memories for the new bebe' to have one day when he/she leaves the nest.
Only nine pm on a Friday and I am exhausted already!! Last hair appointment until we can take "The Test" which would be another six weeks or so from now, is tomorrow. Lots of errand running, animal dropping off at friends houses and packing, packing, oooohhhh the packing.
Excitement abound!
<3
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Partnering up
So we found out a few days ago that the civilian partnership that the Air Base as teamed up with is The Fertility Center of San Antonio! I think this is great news, they have long established roots within the community and its exciting that they even do a active duty discount!
http://www.fertilitysa.com/advantages.htm Their website. :)
I spoke with Lt. Y. again today and she was very kind and told me to call her with any other questions I may have during the next few weeks. She emailed me the application to the Fisher House and we should know whether or not we can stay there within a two weeks. Fingers Crossed!
I had such a hard time growing up with birth control pills due to my apparent low tolerance of estrogen. I would have to be taken out of school due to the horrible nausea and vomiting. When they started me on them last month (before the cycle was postponed) I didn't mention the low tolerance to them because, honestly, I hadn't taken birth control pills since I was 14? After getting my first period and seeing how much pain followed the next few cycles I was put on birth control pills to regulate the pain. After trying about ten different brands and low dose estrogen pills I was finally lead to the Depo Shot. This has practically no estrogen in it (Actually I say that with little knowledge of what is actually in the shot, all I know is that it caused me to have no nausea at all and no period so this was a miracle shot for me) and so it caused no pain or side effects. Since Depo worked so well for me I wound up staying on it for the next eight years or so. After a visit to my regular doctor suggested that I get a bone scan at 22 because he was afraid that because I was on it for so long that the major adverse side effect of the shot, bone loss was occurring. Turns out that being on Depo Provera for that long had caused an actual 18% bone loss in my lower back and I had to take calcium/vitamin D pills for a year after that.
This was all right before I met Nick, funnily enough that I had to stop the Depo and find another form of birth control that would work without making me hug the toilet bowl all day and night. First I tried the arm patch. Gross and sticky and had the same effect on the stomach as the pills did.
I realize this isn't much of an update but its helping to get me a little more excited about the whole process. Tomorrow morning I go bright and early for cycle day three labs at my regular fertility doctor, Dr. M. at Arkansas Fertility in West Little Rock. I have to be there at 7:30! Yikes. And the day after that I will start on my birth control, which actually turns out to be the last form of birth control that I was on before we started trying to get pregnant, the Nuva Ring. Which is what I will be on until we head down to Texas.
Job status is shaky and we may now not get Nicks staff pay on the first like we are supposed to, which really sucks because it would have been nice to have as a cushion while we are down there for three weeks. Finance has told us that it could be delayed and since we only get paid once a month (something that we changed it to and truly works much better for us) that means we wont get it until October. Even though we have had these two tiny shake ups in the past week I am on the path of positive thinking and am DETERMINED that my body will be a palace of peace until after the transfer. Things will work out, the Fisher House will come through, the IVF will work the FIRST time and we will have a happy baby in about 10 months!
What I am listening to at the current moment:
http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#awake%20josh%20groban/all/1
Going to shut the door on any negative thoughts or nay-sayers until then as it can only do us harm. Don't know how exactly I am going to do this other than walking the dogs, massages from the DH (fertility speak for Darling Husband) and many glasses of wine! And prayer, because I know He hears everything as ask for.
Sweet Dreams!
http://www.fertilitysa.com/advantages.htm Their website. :)
I spoke with Lt. Y. again today and she was very kind and told me to call her with any other questions I may have during the next few weeks. She emailed me the application to the Fisher House and we should know whether or not we can stay there within a two weeks. Fingers Crossed!
I had such a hard time growing up with birth control pills due to my apparent low tolerance of estrogen. I would have to be taken out of school due to the horrible nausea and vomiting. When they started me on them last month (before the cycle was postponed) I didn't mention the low tolerance to them because, honestly, I hadn't taken birth control pills since I was 14? After getting my first period and seeing how much pain followed the next few cycles I was put on birth control pills to regulate the pain. After trying about ten different brands and low dose estrogen pills I was finally lead to the Depo Shot. This has practically no estrogen in it (Actually I say that with little knowledge of what is actually in the shot, all I know is that it caused me to have no nausea at all and no period so this was a miracle shot for me) and so it caused no pain or side effects. Since Depo worked so well for me I wound up staying on it for the next eight years or so. After a visit to my regular doctor suggested that I get a bone scan at 22 because he was afraid that because I was on it for so long that the major adverse side effect of the shot, bone loss was occurring. Turns out that being on Depo Provera for that long had caused an actual 18% bone loss in my lower back and I had to take calcium/vitamin D pills for a year after that.
This was all right before I met Nick, funnily enough that I had to stop the Depo and find another form of birth control that would work without making me hug the toilet bowl all day and night. First I tried the arm patch. Gross and sticky and had the same effect on the stomach as the pills did.
Funny story, I was just trying out the arm patch birth control right before I met Nick and the same day I put the first patch on was the same day that we had a homework/dinner date. I was having a hard time with some sort of math class, (what math class you may ask? I don't know because all math is the devil so I blocked it out) and Nick was helping (or doing) my homework for me, then we would cook dinner and watch a movie. After homework was done and dinner was started, somehow the patch began to work its magic. Or anti-magic as it would be. I backed out of the kitchen as the smells and the medicine in the patch did a horrible dance in my stomach. Spent the next 45 minutes in the gross downstairs boys bathroom. Gross, because lets face it, two guys living together, the bathroom is bound to be a little gross. Nick says he blames it on his former roommate. I was miserable yet could not make it out of the bathroom to tell Nick what was going on. Completely mortified I managed to crawl out afterwards to dinner on the little table by the downstairs television and Nick waiting to see if I was ok and offer a foot rub. A foot rub after we had only been dating less than a week. There was my sign right?!I ask him from across the room tonight if he remembers that night and he says with a genuine smile "Oh yes I was thinking I hope I get to spend every night of my life like this, with a pretty sick girl in my bathroom." HA! Be careful what you wish for!
I realize this isn't much of an update but its helping to get me a little more excited about the whole process. Tomorrow morning I go bright and early for cycle day three labs at my regular fertility doctor, Dr. M. at Arkansas Fertility in West Little Rock. I have to be there at 7:30! Yikes. And the day after that I will start on my birth control, which actually turns out to be the last form of birth control that I was on before we started trying to get pregnant, the Nuva Ring. Which is what I will be on until we head down to Texas.
Job status is shaky and we may now not get Nicks staff pay on the first like we are supposed to, which really sucks because it would have been nice to have as a cushion while we are down there for three weeks. Finance has told us that it could be delayed and since we only get paid once a month (something that we changed it to and truly works much better for us) that means we wont get it until October. Even though we have had these two tiny shake ups in the past week I am on the path of positive thinking and am DETERMINED that my body will be a palace of peace until after the transfer. Things will work out, the Fisher House will come through, the IVF will work the FIRST time and we will have a happy baby in about 10 months!
What I am listening to at the current moment:
http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#awake%20josh%20groban/all/1
Going to shut the door on any negative thoughts or nay-sayers until then as it can only do us harm. Don't know how exactly I am going to do this other than walking the dogs, massages from the DH (fertility speak for Darling Husband) and many glasses of wine! And prayer, because I know He hears everything as ask for.
Sweet Dreams!
Monday, August 15, 2011
All good things come to those who wait
And the good Lord knows that we have been waiting for a good while!!!!
At lunch today I went to check my phone as I periodically do with everything that has been going on with our fertility, for a few weeks there was a message every other day or so with an update. When I had a missed call and voice mail with the San Antonio area code my heart sank.
I must say that for all my preaching on trying to have a positive outlook (not something I am good at in the tiniest bit) things it is very easy to slip into the old ways. Instinctively I went into my turtle shell and tried to talk myself off the ledge if if was a call postponing the cycle again. Before I pressed the play voice mail button I sat down in the chair that overlooks the floor to ceiling windows downstairs in my office. It was a gorgeous sunny day outside and the wind was choosing which leaves to ruffle. I asked God out loud to give me peace with where he was leading us and knowledge that whatever this voice mail said, there was a reason behind it, the biggest reason being that He knew where this path was going to take us. Closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths I pressed play.
All the Doctor said was to call her regarding our August Cycle. With yet another prayer said, (too many can never hurt right?) I pressed re-dial. My stomach was doing its best impression of the stuntman in the death ring of fire when Lt. Y. answered.
Imagine my surprise when she told me that she was calling to tell me that everything, EVERYTHING has been approved and that there would be NO MORE cancellations or postponements. NONE. In other words, we are now 100% on task to head down to Texas September 5th!
From the day I got the call in early April telling us that our IVF cycle was indefinitely postponed I felt like a hollowed out egg.
When we were in high school we had to take an egg and poke two holes in it. One at the top and one at the bottom. Then you had to blow all the yolk out. (Gross) Then you could paint a face on it, write your name on it, anything to personalize it. The teacher then put his thumb print on it so he would know if it was the original egg from the start of the project. This experiment was for life management skills class and you were "married" to another student from class and the egg was to symbolize your "baby." The more cracks you had in your egg when you turned it in, the lower the grade. Demolish the egg all together and you fail the project.
(Our "baby" was named Christopher and was taken to soccer practice by "husband" Josh in a sunglasses case. Miraculously he came through without a single crack.....)
April felt like the first crack, then in May when I got the call that the cycle was back on, a little bandaid was applied to the tiny damage. Only for it to be reopened again in June when it was postponed again with no further information. Applied some super glue to the wound when it not only was back on again in July but also was started on my medicines to actually start the ball rolling for the IVF the following month. The largest crack in the egg was when they cancelled again after I had been on the medicine for only two days. Crying, to include snotting all over yourself, at your brand new job in the employee lounge definitely qualifies as a rather large crack in the egg.
But today, was the first day, since the beginning of April that I felt like we have a new beginning and one that is on solid ground. There are many more mountains to climb and rivers to cross (pardon the cheesy metaphors) on this cycle but having the first challenge down certainly makes me feel at peace with proceeding to the next prayer set!
Next up is praying, for those of you who keep us in your prayers, this is big one too, praying that we get a room at the Fisher House. They are on a first come, first serve basis and are there for people who are traveling from out of the state for treatment at the base there. We were told a while ago that one was pretty much solidified because of the fact that they had cut the patient load by about 70 percent but was informed by a Fisher House representative soon afterwards that rooms were only available if they were not occupied. For those who do not know what The Fisher house is, it is a series of big houses (four, maybe five total) on base that each have if I can remember right, about 8 rooms each. Each room is set up like a hotel room with your own bathroom, shower, television, dvd player, etc. They have a common living room, dining room and kitchen. In the kitchen each room has an assigned pantry shelf, and space in the fridge. They also have a washer and dryer for laundry! If you are assigned a room there your stay is until you are finished with your treatment, they do not ever make anyone leave. There is no charge at all for staying there, which is amazing, but for both reasons it limits the number of rooms they have for people being able to stay with them. They have many organizations that come and volunteer there which is something that Nick and I look forward to being able to do while there since we loved the therapy dogs so much last time.
http://www.fisherhouse.org/
Many, many different hurtles ahead but today I am thankful that we are definitely headed to Texas in three short weeks. I know there will be different things to pray for in the upcoming months and will write them all down eventually for my sanity and prayer list and for those who are curious as to how IVF works and the steps involved. (Don't worry it will be kept PG, I can appreciate not everyone has the desire to go into the medical field as I did. :) )
Oh! And I started today, I swear to you, I have NEVER been so happy to get a period in my entire life. 43 day cycle how insane was that?! Bring on the meds in just a few days and lets get this baby train on the track!
At lunch today I went to check my phone as I periodically do with everything that has been going on with our fertility, for a few weeks there was a message every other day or so with an update. When I had a missed call and voice mail with the San Antonio area code my heart sank.
I must say that for all my preaching on trying to have a positive outlook (not something I am good at in the tiniest bit) things it is very easy to slip into the old ways. Instinctively I went into my turtle shell and tried to talk myself off the ledge if if was a call postponing the cycle again. Before I pressed the play voice mail button I sat down in the chair that overlooks the floor to ceiling windows downstairs in my office. It was a gorgeous sunny day outside and the wind was choosing which leaves to ruffle. I asked God out loud to give me peace with where he was leading us and knowledge that whatever this voice mail said, there was a reason behind it, the biggest reason being that He knew where this path was going to take us. Closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths I pressed play.
All the Doctor said was to call her regarding our August Cycle. With yet another prayer said, (too many can never hurt right?) I pressed re-dial. My stomach was doing its best impression of the stuntman in the death ring of fire when Lt. Y. answered.
Imagine my surprise when she told me that she was calling to tell me that everything, EVERYTHING has been approved and that there would be NO MORE cancellations or postponements. NONE. In other words, we are now 100% on task to head down to Texas September 5th!
From the day I got the call in early April telling us that our IVF cycle was indefinitely postponed I felt like a hollowed out egg.
When we were in high school we had to take an egg and poke two holes in it. One at the top and one at the bottom. Then you had to blow all the yolk out. (Gross) Then you could paint a face on it, write your name on it, anything to personalize it. The teacher then put his thumb print on it so he would know if it was the original egg from the start of the project. This experiment was for life management skills class and you were "married" to another student from class and the egg was to symbolize your "baby." The more cracks you had in your egg when you turned it in, the lower the grade. Demolish the egg all together and you fail the project.
(Our "baby" was named Christopher and was taken to soccer practice by "husband" Josh in a sunglasses case. Miraculously he came through without a single crack.....)
April felt like the first crack, then in May when I got the call that the cycle was back on, a little bandaid was applied to the tiny damage. Only for it to be reopened again in June when it was postponed again with no further information. Applied some super glue to the wound when it not only was back on again in July but also was started on my medicines to actually start the ball rolling for the IVF the following month. The largest crack in the egg was when they cancelled again after I had been on the medicine for only two days. Crying, to include snotting all over yourself, at your brand new job in the employee lounge definitely qualifies as a rather large crack in the egg.
But today, was the first day, since the beginning of April that I felt like we have a new beginning and one that is on solid ground. There are many more mountains to climb and rivers to cross (pardon the cheesy metaphors) on this cycle but having the first challenge down certainly makes me feel at peace with proceeding to the next prayer set!
Next up is praying, for those of you who keep us in your prayers, this is big one too, praying that we get a room at the Fisher House. They are on a first come, first serve basis and are there for people who are traveling from out of the state for treatment at the base there. We were told a while ago that one was pretty much solidified because of the fact that they had cut the patient load by about 70 percent but was informed by a Fisher House representative soon afterwards that rooms were only available if they were not occupied. For those who do not know what The Fisher house is, it is a series of big houses (four, maybe five total) on base that each have if I can remember right, about 8 rooms each. Each room is set up like a hotel room with your own bathroom, shower, television, dvd player, etc. They have a common living room, dining room and kitchen. In the kitchen each room has an assigned pantry shelf, and space in the fridge. They also have a washer and dryer for laundry! If you are assigned a room there your stay is until you are finished with your treatment, they do not ever make anyone leave. There is no charge at all for staying there, which is amazing, but for both reasons it limits the number of rooms they have for people being able to stay with them. They have many organizations that come and volunteer there which is something that Nick and I look forward to being able to do while there since we loved the therapy dogs so much last time.
http://www.fisherhouse.org/
Many, many different hurtles ahead but today I am thankful that we are definitely headed to Texas in three short weeks. I know there will be different things to pray for in the upcoming months and will write them all down eventually for my sanity and prayer list and for those who are curious as to how IVF works and the steps involved. (Don't worry it will be kept PG, I can appreciate not everyone has the desire to go into the medical field as I did. :) )
Oh! And I started today, I swear to you, I have NEVER been so happy to get a period in my entire life. 43 day cycle how insane was that?! Bring on the meds in just a few days and lets get this baby train on the track!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Waiting & "Dear Baby"
As I post this I am almost 35 days into my cycle and can only remember being this late about four years ago right before Nicks first deployment. At that point I was really stressed out about that and it wound up pushing it out a grand two weeks. We definitely thought we were pregnant. A blood test confirmed it was just stress and two days later we got our sign.
So, needless to say that even though we are (fingers crossed) headed to Texas in early September I am anxiety ridden just a tiny bit about how long this cycle is going. Not to mention the fact that I also have had no warning signs of the approaching cycle. (Although Nick would say that my freak out on Friday over not being able to style my extensions *insert a hysterical crying mess who throws hair products around the spare bathroom here* would be a hormonal temper tantrum. Yeah, I'm not proud but it happens! Although I will say incidents like that only happen really close to my period, which would be a huge clue that its less than 24 hours away. Well that was on Friday. Today is Monday night.
I just wish God would let us know one way or the other what he planning for us this month! Sweet Nick thinks I'm silly for testing every single morning (and the other testing like, say, when I get a particularly strong urge or lack of patience at four pm) because he, If I am honest with myself, along with me doesn't believe we can conceive on our own. We have somewhat closed the door on that subject. I am not happy that we have to deal with infertility but it has brought us so much closer as a couple for so many reasons and brought me personally SO much closer to God that I have to say that there is some good that comes out of trying for our precious baby for almost four years. At times, since I passed my 28 day, 29 day and 30 day cycle mark I wonder if He is just testing our patience, then I think, No, that can't be it, He knows how long we have been trying and knows our patience levels. Then, of course, as they always do I think of the biblical couples who waited much MUCH longer and the current line of thinking goes away.
I do realize that the constant thinking about how late I am is probably only pushing the cycle even further into oblivion, obviously not helpful. Thus I am trying to find things to occupy my thoughts such as blogging, learning new chords for the guitar. Side note, for all you GLEEKS, (yes I just used the cheese term) out there.... Did you know how Chord Overstreet (Sam on Glee) got his name? Both of his parents are musicians and he was the third child born into the family, thus the name Chord. So cool. I love hearing stories like that and it gives me further inspiration into my future kids names.
And now, something that I have been thinking about lately and would just like to write down. To get out of my soul, to have for the yet to come Ellwood baby and for some much needed peace in the storm.
See you hopefully soon,
Your excited parents-to-be
So, needless to say that even though we are (fingers crossed) headed to Texas in early September I am anxiety ridden just a tiny bit about how long this cycle is going. Not to mention the fact that I also have had no warning signs of the approaching cycle. (Although Nick would say that my freak out on Friday over not being able to style my extensions *insert a hysterical crying mess who throws hair products around the spare bathroom here* would be a hormonal temper tantrum. Yeah, I'm not proud but it happens! Although I will say incidents like that only happen really close to my period, which would be a huge clue that its less than 24 hours away. Well that was on Friday. Today is Monday night.
I just wish God would let us know one way or the other what he planning for us this month! Sweet Nick thinks I'm silly for testing every single morning (and the other testing like, say, when I get a particularly strong urge or lack of patience at four pm) because he, If I am honest with myself, along with me doesn't believe we can conceive on our own. We have somewhat closed the door on that subject. I am not happy that we have to deal with infertility but it has brought us so much closer as a couple for so many reasons and brought me personally SO much closer to God that I have to say that there is some good that comes out of trying for our precious baby for almost four years. At times, since I passed my 28 day, 29 day and 30 day cycle mark I wonder if He is just testing our patience, then I think, No, that can't be it, He knows how long we have been trying and knows our patience levels. Then, of course, as they always do I think of the biblical couples who waited much MUCH longer and the current line of thinking goes away.
I do realize that the constant thinking about how late I am is probably only pushing the cycle even further into oblivion, obviously not helpful. Thus I am trying to find things to occupy my thoughts such as blogging, learning new chords for the guitar. Side note, for all you GLEEKS, (yes I just used the cheese term) out there.... Did you know how Chord Overstreet (Sam on Glee) got his name? Both of his parents are musicians and he was the third child born into the family, thus the name Chord. So cool. I love hearing stories like that and it gives me further inspiration into my future kids names.
And now, something that I have been thinking about lately and would just like to write down. To get out of my soul, to have for the yet to come Ellwood baby and for some much needed peace in the storm.
Dear Baby Ellwood,
I am writing this letter to tell you how much you are wanted. I know, my sweet, darling child, that whether you come to us as a miracle though your birth or the joy of pure unselfishness of your birth mother that you have always been wanted and prayed for every single day, for at least four years. Or even six years since the time I first met your father. Having an excellent role model and loving children growing up I always had the desire in my heart to be a mother some day but I never knew how much until I met Nick.
This man can make me laugh until my stomach hurts, he can cook delicious meals and clean the entire kitchen afterwards. (a real bonus from what I hear from other wives.) He will pull over in the rain to save a dog off the highway, stay later after work to help someone home, invite those who can not go home for the holidays to our house for a home cooked meal, and tells me I am beautiful with bed-head, dragon-breath, a new zit and holey pajamas on. Most importantly he makes me feel as though I am the only girl in the world and will always be the hottest thing since sliced bread. Your Dad is amazing with kids, mainly because he is a big one himself! Since your mother over-analyzes just about everything and has enough anxiety for the both of us he is a complete balance to our lives together.
Our journey to you was a rough one but one that brought us closer as partners and friends. I do not know what it is like to have your first baby as we have not had the joy of experiencing that yet. I can only imagine that the parents holding their first child feel very happy and blessed to have them. What I can tell you is how much that same emotion will be ten fold when you arrive in our arms.
Using a Josh Turner song lyric, "The longer the waiting, the sweeter the kiss." The absolute burning desire to hear your heartbeat for the first time, to feel you kick my belly with nervous excitement, to have your Dad place a kiss on my large, round belly, to feel your soft, luxuriously smooth skin against my hand and that delicious baby smell is only magnified by the years of struggle just to hold you in our arms.
Those who experience any kind of infertility, no matter how long their journey, have an unyielding thirst for their child. I am sure this applies to most things in life that do not come easy. No one desire to struggle with their school, career, beating a disease, or building a family, but oh the sheer bliss and joy that comes with overcoming your set backs, no matter what they may be.
This is what we promise you: to laugh and play with you until one of us runs out of breath, to teach you manner, morals and to treat people the way you want to be treated, to be generous and to share your snack pack at school with the kid who's mom gave him carrots instead of chocolate pudding. To let you run around barefoot in a huge field so you can feel the fresh summer grass under your toes, to be kind to animals because they do not have a voice of their own and are considered furry family members, to discipline you when you have stepped out of bounds because you will thank us for it when you are not stripping or face down in the gutter some where at seventeen. (This reference was used quite a bit for your mother growing up and I have done neither, so be sure to thank your Moms mother for that.) We promise to have a stash of money hidden away so when you hear the tinkling bells and shriek "ICE CREAM MAN!" you will have a few dollars at a moments notice. And just because our parents did it to us with Brick House by the Commodores, we promise to embarrass you with our loud music as we drop you off at school playing what can only be described as mom-music but really is some phat beats from some white guy who thinks he can rap. Most of all we promise to unconditionally love you to almost smother-like tendencies to include, licking a napkin in public to wipe food off your face, asking for a kiss goodbye in front of your new friends, and sticking little notes of encouragement in your Batman lunch box.
As for the unyielding thirst, I can tell you the love that will be showered upon your arrival into our tiny family will be the most refreshing drink of water we will have ever experienced.
See you hopefully soon,
Your excited parents-to-be
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Fourth times the charm!
Ok, so I guess time for an update since I guess there is an update to give in the first place, for that, I am thankful.
So, after having cancelled (or as the Lieutenant I spoke with said this past Friday, indefinatly postponed), for three times since April, we are, as of Friday July 29th, back on again. She called to ask me why she hadn't received my latest blood test results. I just stared into the phone and told her I thought it was cancelled, (see her reply above.) The conversation went as such....
1.) It is definitely back on (and by definitely I mean 90 percent its a go for a September cycle and I won't know more until about a week from now if its a 100% go. Although I am in doubt about it ever truly being confirmed until we are in the car driving to Texas!)
2.) I am to call her when I start my August cycle to get put on the meds again, ( I was only on them for a day and half before she called to say that it was "postponed" again about three weeks ago.) I will be on the meds for about 2 weeks and am to be in Texas no later than September 5th for my baseline blood draw. (which starts the entire process.)
3.) Embryo transfer (praying that we get embryos, because that is not a gaurantee either, pretty much nothing is a gaurentee until we are pregnant! And to be really honest, with as long as we have been trying I can't say that I will believe it until I am holding that sweet miracle in our arms!) will be around 10-12 days after the first blood draw.
4.) We will be in the San Antonio area for a total of three weeks, (EEK!) and should know if we are pregnant by early October. Happy Birthday to ME!!! Well Us, haha, I was thinking that she would be a really great birthday present. And as I just typed that I realize that I put she, but honest to goodness I typed it without hesitation, very much with the flow! I will be ESTATIC with either sex though!
Its kind of funny whenever I refer to our unconcieved baby I always call it a she and Nick always calls it a he. :) Also as I type this, my husband just brought me fresh romaine salad before our dinner! What a lucky girl I am to be married to someone who loves to treat me like a princess! He will definately be a good Daddy someday.
So the long and short of it is, I am currently on cycle day 29, as of August 3rd, 2011. Which is making me a tad crazy since I made it to cycle day 24 last month so now the brain is doing tricks with me thinking I could possibly be LATE on my own! I have in the past however, gone as late as cycle day 33. SO with that being said I'm trying incrediably hard not to think about that tiny fact. While it would be miraculous, truly, to be pregnant on our own, I am semi-excited about headed to Texas in September.
Only Semi-excited in case it gets postponed again. Withholding it until we are in the car, playing Jack Johnson and loving our road to Baby!
Psalms 39:7
But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.
So, after having cancelled (or as the Lieutenant I spoke with said this past Friday, indefinatly postponed), for three times since April, we are, as of Friday July 29th, back on again. She called to ask me why she hadn't received my latest blood test results. I just stared into the phone and told her I thought it was cancelled, (see her reply above.) The conversation went as such....
1.) It is definitely back on (and by definitely I mean 90 percent its a go for a September cycle and I won't know more until about a week from now if its a 100% go. Although I am in doubt about it ever truly being confirmed until we are in the car driving to Texas!)
2.) I am to call her when I start my August cycle to get put on the meds again, ( I was only on them for a day and half before she called to say that it was "postponed" again about three weeks ago.) I will be on the meds for about 2 weeks and am to be in Texas no later than September 5th for my baseline blood draw. (which starts the entire process.)
3.) Embryo transfer (praying that we get embryos, because that is not a gaurantee either, pretty much nothing is a gaurentee until we are pregnant! And to be really honest, with as long as we have been trying I can't say that I will believe it until I am holding that sweet miracle in our arms!) will be around 10-12 days after the first blood draw.
4.) We will be in the San Antonio area for a total of three weeks, (EEK!) and should know if we are pregnant by early October. Happy Birthday to ME!!! Well Us, haha, I was thinking that she would be a really great birthday present. And as I just typed that I realize that I put she, but honest to goodness I typed it without hesitation, very much with the flow! I will be ESTATIC with either sex though!
Its kind of funny whenever I refer to our unconcieved baby I always call it a she and Nick always calls it a he. :) Also as I type this, my husband just brought me fresh romaine salad before our dinner! What a lucky girl I am to be married to someone who loves to treat me like a princess! He will definately be a good Daddy someday.
So the long and short of it is, I am currently on cycle day 29, as of August 3rd, 2011. Which is making me a tad crazy since I made it to cycle day 24 last month so now the brain is doing tricks with me thinking I could possibly be LATE on my own! I have in the past however, gone as late as cycle day 33. SO with that being said I'm trying incrediably hard not to think about that tiny fact. While it would be miraculous, truly, to be pregnant on our own, I am semi-excited about headed to Texas in September.
Only Semi-excited in case it gets postponed again. Withholding it until we are in the car, playing Jack Johnson and loving our road to Baby!
Psalms 39:7
But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Good News!
Oops! Forgot to mention that all the prayers that the new job would be accepting of me having to take two to three weeks off this fall for the IVF have turned out! Not to disclose too much but more than one girl there has had problems either conceiving or with Endometriosis! What a small world it is.
When I asked my boss if she thought it was ok that I needed that much time off so soon she replied with,
"Sweetie, that is life! It happens whether you plan for it or not. You having a child is very important to you, don't worry about having to lose your job!"
Basically it was a non issue.
So, YAY!
When I asked my boss if she thought it was ok that I needed that much time off so soon she replied with,
"Sweetie, that is life! It happens whether you plan for it or not. You having a child is very important to you, don't worry about having to lose your job!"
Basically it was a non issue.
So, YAY!
Thoughts
Had a moment of almost.... bile? It is crazy how close we are to the possibility of success yet the devil seems to seep its way into my unaccompanied thoughts! Facebook is not good for the wandering mind I have decided. Any sort of stalking and my mind goes places it should not. As in, why is everyone in this picture pregnant? How weird. Everyone. Even though we are SO close to our IVF that horrible thought still seemed to scream at me as I stared at each picture. So, I closed Facebook and decided to journal instead.
I actually have been doing quite well when it comes to close friends announcements and pictures. For the most part. Prayer helps a lot as well. I also have been doing quite a bit better than I have in the past year. I think the reaction that I had today was due to a co-worker (*exciting update there as well!) asked me what our plans were if this cycle failed. I don't really know is the answer I gave her.
Since we live our lives according to Air Force law we have to allow the fact that there will be another deployment soon. Not too soon, thankfully, but in a new "regular" slot. So, if this cycle does in fact fail, we do not really know what the concrete plans are for moving forward. Nick likes to think positive (as do I, of course) that it will work and so we do not have to have a plan B. However, even though I remain positive, and ECSTATIC, ridiculously happy even at times at the idea that this WILL work come this fall, even to the extent of planning for our multiples (forty percent chance at twins!) I also am a realist. I realize that this is our last chance at having a child that is genetically ours. I realize that the next step would be to adopt. I also realize that Nick will likely deploy again before we have a chance to do another IVF cycle with the military.
This leaves us with a few options if the cycle fails. Well a ton of options actually.
A.) Since Nick would deploy again before we could do another military cycle (Being that they only do four cycles a year and we would miss two of them during his deployment) We could take out our first loan ( *insert HUGE gulp here, maybe a few drops of sweat on the brow line of freaking out over taking out a loan for fertility issues...) and do a cycle at double the cost here in Arkansas before he leaves.
B.) We could start the long process of adoption and wait until Nick gets back for the October 2012 military cycle. Yes that is the next one that we would be able to make with his deployments. Nick, however does not want to put money into more than one thing at once where as my brain just says....baby, baby, baby, baby, child, child child. However the more rational side, albeit much smaller side, of my brain also realizes that this is smart. Found out a month ago it is $1200 just for the home study! Crazy! It wouldn't be financially smart to be paying all of the out of pocket expenses for adoption and then also try again for IVF while in the middle of an adoption year...would it? I suppose this isn't totally off the table, more discussion could come if we, say, meet a beautiful, young and intelligent teenager who is willing to give us her unborn child? It could happen!
C.) The one that plays on my mind most frequently as I approach the ripe old year of 29. One year away from 30.... And alas my heart feels a lot less traveled than it yearns to be. Austria has sung to my soul since I was about 7 years old and Italy, Greece and France have all been calling to me for over a decade at least. Growing up in a nomadic military family I grew to appreciate culture and travel but not as much as when I met my husband and longed to see places I had never seen with a bottle of local wine, a picnic basket of french cuisine and field of tulips. Dancing under the Eiffel tower listening to Edith Piaf and laying on the beaches of Semolina with a fresh fish taco and Grecian cats beckoning at my feet. Can you tell how much I day dream? :)
So plan C is to take a year off (Gasp!) and spend the money we would have spend on a regular military cycle and take six long glorious weeks in Europe. This can be done. I have spent countless hours researching. Obviously this delays any help we would have in trying to have a child, unless of course, we are blessed with a miracle. It does, however give a TON to look forward to if the cycle does not take.
In the spirit of positive thinking I am going to quit using the term fail and instead substitute it with not taking. I think I like that better! I feel like its better to have a plan in place if the cycle doesn't take take so that I don't feel like there is a pit of despair to sink into. Instead of thinking, "That was heartbreaking! What do we do now???" It would be a lot more comforting to think, "O.k. That was hard but now here is what we are going to do next."
Lots of things to think about.
I actually have been doing quite well when it comes to close friends announcements and pictures. For the most part. Prayer helps a lot as well. I also have been doing quite a bit better than I have in the past year. I think the reaction that I had today was due to a co-worker (*exciting update there as well!) asked me what our plans were if this cycle failed. I don't really know is the answer I gave her.
Since we live our lives according to Air Force law we have to allow the fact that there will be another deployment soon. Not too soon, thankfully, but in a new "regular" slot. So, if this cycle does in fact fail, we do not really know what the concrete plans are for moving forward. Nick likes to think positive (as do I, of course) that it will work and so we do not have to have a plan B. However, even though I remain positive, and ECSTATIC, ridiculously happy even at times at the idea that this WILL work come this fall, even to the extent of planning for our multiples (forty percent chance at twins!) I also am a realist. I realize that this is our last chance at having a child that is genetically ours. I realize that the next step would be to adopt. I also realize that Nick will likely deploy again before we have a chance to do another IVF cycle with the military.
This leaves us with a few options if the cycle fails. Well a ton of options actually.
A.) Since Nick would deploy again before we could do another military cycle (Being that they only do four cycles a year and we would miss two of them during his deployment) We could take out our first loan ( *insert HUGE gulp here, maybe a few drops of sweat on the brow line of freaking out over taking out a loan for fertility issues...) and do a cycle at double the cost here in Arkansas before he leaves.
B.) We could start the long process of adoption and wait until Nick gets back for the October 2012 military cycle. Yes that is the next one that we would be able to make with his deployments. Nick, however does not want to put money into more than one thing at once where as my brain just says....baby, baby, baby, baby, child, child child. However the more rational side, albeit much smaller side, of my brain also realizes that this is smart. Found out a month ago it is $1200 just for the home study! Crazy! It wouldn't be financially smart to be paying all of the out of pocket expenses for adoption and then also try again for IVF while in the middle of an adoption year...would it? I suppose this isn't totally off the table, more discussion could come if we, say, meet a beautiful, young and intelligent teenager who is willing to give us her unborn child? It could happen!
C.) The one that plays on my mind most frequently as I approach the ripe old year of 29. One year away from 30.... And alas my heart feels a lot less traveled than it yearns to be. Austria has sung to my soul since I was about 7 years old and Italy, Greece and France have all been calling to me for over a decade at least. Growing up in a nomadic military family I grew to appreciate culture and travel but not as much as when I met my husband and longed to see places I had never seen with a bottle of local wine, a picnic basket of french cuisine and field of tulips. Dancing under the Eiffel tower listening to Edith Piaf and laying on the beaches of Semolina with a fresh fish taco and Grecian cats beckoning at my feet. Can you tell how much I day dream? :)
So plan C is to take a year off (Gasp!) and spend the money we would have spend on a regular military cycle and take six long glorious weeks in Europe. This can be done. I have spent countless hours researching. Obviously this delays any help we would have in trying to have a child, unless of course, we are blessed with a miracle. It does, however give a TON to look forward to if the cycle does not take.
In the spirit of positive thinking I am going to quit using the term fail and instead substitute it with not taking. I think I like that better! I feel like its better to have a plan in place if the cycle doesn't take take so that I don't feel like there is a pit of despair to sink into. Instead of thinking, "That was heartbreaking! What do we do now???" It would be a lot more comforting to think, "O.k. That was hard but now here is what we are going to do next."
Lots of things to think about.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Third Times The Charm
Hello All,
This particular blog will not be as sharp and witty as the other ones for the simple reason that I am on tylox! I had my third Laparoscopy yesterday! Its an easy out patient surgery is usually easy to recover from. This one, however was a tad harder. I am still pretty sore and majorly loopy. (Don't worry, no attempting to eat dinner with the serving utensils again! That was the first surgery....)
Nick is currently in ALS and could not miss any class time since this is very important to his grade in the class, his new rank as well as the extra money he will get paid when he graduates! I'm pretty pysched about it, but of course it always makes me very proud to see him waltz across any stage in his handsome dress blues. Needless to say that my friend Jessica had to take me and it was nice relaxing at her house with all the babies (really little girls) that made me get well cards and having Jess take care of me after surgeries was the next best thing since Nick couldn't be there. Ahh the sacrifices that we military wives make! Luckily Nick was able to get home early and take care of me.
I had not had any surgeries in my life until we moved to Arkansas....weird?! But since then I have had four surgeries. Once for my adenoids, once for tonsillectomy.and two laperoscopic surgeries this will make for the fifth surgery! Not so horrible the worst pain I've had out of those surgeries was without exception was the tonsil removal. I did, however lose 12 pounds aside from the pain that was great! ;)
This surgery, recovery is finding to be a little more difficult than the other two laperoscopys in the past because of what they found when they went in. It turned out that I had a couple of scar tissues from the endometriosis on my uterus, some on my BLADDER, freaky to me since I have never had any scar tissues on any other place besides my uterus. Also they found scar tissues on the right ovary and the left ovary was actually fused to my uterine wall from the endo. Which is scary because at one point, my doctor in texas told me there was no need for me to have this surgery if all I was doing it for was to increase my chances at the IVF this fall since there was not enough research to show that it helped any. That, was one of my reasons for getting another one, yes, but the biggest reason was that my periods has slowly over the past year became just as worse as they had been before my last surgery...
In April, Im not sure if I mentioned this or not, Dr. King, (my texas doctor) told me that he wasn't sure if they were going to be moving forward with the IVF this fall because the civilian company they were working with went our of business and now the Army wants to take over the program on the Air Force base. So there was not a definitive answer of when it would proceed. Agonizing over the wait to find out yes or no for the past two and a half months was horrible! I was starting to really get into finding out about private adoptions as well as doing some more research on the Surrogacy issue.
BUT Dr. king called me just a few days ago and updated me with the latest information telling me that they usually have about fifty couples that they deal with each cycle. (They only do four IVF treatments a year due to lack of staffing) Since now they are contracted with a brand new civilian company, one that has better established roots in the community and the Army has now taken over the medical records part of the process that they will be able do about half of the participants and that Nick and I would for sure be one of the couples. YAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!
So its looking like we are going to head down there late August/Early September to start the process! It has been a long crazy wait since we started off being a patient at Wilford Hall (the hospital in Texas, where the IVF will happen, located on Lackland Air Force Base) in January of 2010. Since we have been there longest patients there that we were for sure going to be able to be one of the couples to be treated.
We need prayers right now. I am starting a new job in my dental career on Friday and I pray that when I tell them I need about three weeks off so soon (early September) that they will want to keep me! That right now is my biggest anxiety. Hopefully I can show them what a good work ethic I have and that even though I need that much time off so soon that I would still be a viable asset to the company!!
A friend at work said it pretty well, "You have been waiting for almost 14 months on this list to get into your In Vitro and I know how excited you are to start this new job but what is more important? If they don't want to keep you because of it you don't want to work there anyways." Nicely put.
Hope for the best huh? They all seem to be pretty nice and understanding there from what I could tell on my working interview as well as my original interview so here's hoping they will be understanding with this issue to.
Sorry if this post looks a little scrambled grammar and thought process wise, I had my third surgery yesterday and am on some heavy duty pain killers! Also pray that we will be able to get into the Fisher House because otherwise we would won't be able to afford hotels for three weeks! For those of you who who don't know what the Fisher house is, its sort of like a nice Ronald McDonald house/houses on base for those traveling from out of state to have treatment at Wilford Hall. They are really big nice houses that you can stay in for free! Each room looks like a hotel room with its own bathroom and one or two beds. And they have a community kitchen that looks like cute little house kitchen that each room has their own cupboard and shelf in the fridge. This way we dont have to eat out so much since we have a kitchen! But they are on a first come first serve basis and noone has to leave until they are done with treatment at Wilford Hall which in certain cases is indefinite. So pray for us that there will be a spot open when we head down that way!
Meds ares starting to kick in so its off to bed I go.
This particular blog will not be as sharp and witty as the other ones for the simple reason that I am on tylox! I had my third Laparoscopy yesterday! Its an easy out patient surgery is usually easy to recover from. This one, however was a tad harder. I am still pretty sore and majorly loopy. (Don't worry, no attempting to eat dinner with the serving utensils again! That was the first surgery....)
Nick is currently in ALS and could not miss any class time since this is very important to his grade in the class, his new rank as well as the extra money he will get paid when he graduates! I'm pretty pysched about it, but of course it always makes me very proud to see him waltz across any stage in his handsome dress blues. Needless to say that my friend Jessica had to take me and it was nice relaxing at her house with all the babies (really little girls) that made me get well cards and having Jess take care of me after surgeries was the next best thing since Nick couldn't be there. Ahh the sacrifices that we military wives make! Luckily Nick was able to get home early and take care of me.
I had not had any surgeries in my life until we moved to Arkansas....weird?! But since then I have had four surgeries. Once for my adenoids, once for tonsillectomy.and two laperoscopic surgeries this will make for the fifth surgery! Not so horrible the worst pain I've had out of those surgeries was without exception was the tonsil removal. I did, however lose 12 pounds aside from the pain that was great! ;)
This surgery, recovery is finding to be a little more difficult than the other two laperoscopys in the past because of what they found when they went in. It turned out that I had a couple of scar tissues from the endometriosis on my uterus, some on my BLADDER, freaky to me since I have never had any scar tissues on any other place besides my uterus. Also they found scar tissues on the right ovary and the left ovary was actually fused to my uterine wall from the endo. Which is scary because at one point, my doctor in texas told me there was no need for me to have this surgery if all I was doing it for was to increase my chances at the IVF this fall since there was not enough research to show that it helped any. That, was one of my reasons for getting another one, yes, but the biggest reason was that my periods has slowly over the past year became just as worse as they had been before my last surgery...
In April, Im not sure if I mentioned this or not, Dr. King, (my texas doctor) told me that he wasn't sure if they were going to be moving forward with the IVF this fall because the civilian company they were working with went our of business and now the Army wants to take over the program on the Air Force base. So there was not a definitive answer of when it would proceed. Agonizing over the wait to find out yes or no for the past two and a half months was horrible! I was starting to really get into finding out about private adoptions as well as doing some more research on the Surrogacy issue.
BUT Dr. king called me just a few days ago and updated me with the latest information telling me that they usually have about fifty couples that they deal with each cycle. (They only do four IVF treatments a year due to lack of staffing) Since now they are contracted with a brand new civilian company, one that has better established roots in the community and the Army has now taken over the medical records part of the process that they will be able do about half of the participants and that Nick and I would for sure be one of the couples. YAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!
So its looking like we are going to head down there late August/Early September to start the process! It has been a long crazy wait since we started off being a patient at Wilford Hall (the hospital in Texas, where the IVF will happen, located on Lackland Air Force Base) in January of 2010. Since we have been there longest patients there that we were for sure going to be able to be one of the couples to be treated.
We need prayers right now. I am starting a new job in my dental career on Friday and I pray that when I tell them I need about three weeks off so soon (early September) that they will want to keep me! That right now is my biggest anxiety. Hopefully I can show them what a good work ethic I have and that even though I need that much time off so soon that I would still be a viable asset to the company!!
A friend at work said it pretty well, "You have been waiting for almost 14 months on this list to get into your In Vitro and I know how excited you are to start this new job but what is more important? If they don't want to keep you because of it you don't want to work there anyways." Nicely put.
Hope for the best huh? They all seem to be pretty nice and understanding there from what I could tell on my working interview as well as my original interview so here's hoping they will be understanding with this issue to.
Sorry if this post looks a little scrambled grammar and thought process wise, I had my third surgery yesterday and am on some heavy duty pain killers! Also pray that we will be able to get into the Fisher House because otherwise we would won't be able to afford hotels for three weeks! For those of you who who don't know what the Fisher house is, its sort of like a nice Ronald McDonald house/houses on base for those traveling from out of state to have treatment at Wilford Hall. They are really big nice houses that you can stay in for free! Each room looks like a hotel room with its own bathroom and one or two beds. And they have a community kitchen that looks like cute little house kitchen that each room has their own cupboard and shelf in the fridge. This way we dont have to eat out so much since we have a kitchen! But they are on a first come first serve basis and noone has to leave until they are done with treatment at Wilford Hall which in certain cases is indefinite. So pray for us that there will be a spot open when we head down that way!
Meds ares starting to kick in so its off to bed I go.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Ridiculous amounts of hope
Ok so I have been bad with this writing a blog thing and its mainly due to working at night and going to clinics during the day for school has been very taxing...speaking of taxes see more on the anger issue with that this year!!!
So here is an update for the two of you who are actually reading this thing. (thats ok, its more for the relaxation therapy of journaling!)
The civilian company that works with the Air Force to conduct the research and pay the employees that do...well to be honest I'm not quite sure what they do because the Air Force doctors who are enlisted in the service are the actual doctors who are doing the procedure, but the civilian company is a big part of who we are paying and what not....
So my doctor calls me from Texas (where we are having the procedure done) two weeks ago to tell me that the foundation that they have been working with for years abruptly went out of business two days prior to him calling me. He was calling to make sure that we had not sent our check for $4800 yet as they were still taking payments and not telling anyone they had shut down.....I mean you really hear about those things happening on the news but I guess the saying has to come from somewhere....You never think they will happen to you. No, we had not send a payment yet because Nicks signature is required on a lot of the paperwork and also we are still awaiting our tax refund witch will complete our funds needed for the procedure.
On the same front, there is two military hospitals in the United States that do fertility treatments for active duty military and their families. One is Walter Reed Memorial in Maryland and the other is Lackland Air Force Base in Texas. One is run by the Army and one is run by the Air Force. Apparently the Army has decided to take over the entire program and run the one based in Texas run by the Air Force. What that means is that now they are having to switch medical records and systems and transfer everything over....
The good news (if you can call it that) is that they have already contracted with a new civilian company that has a better established history and longer roots in the community so that part is already taken care of. What I was informed was that there is a chance that we could be pushed back to the January 2012 cycle due to the switching of the medical systems and the Army taking over the new contract from the Air Force. I was told not to buy plane tickets (thankfully we are driving) but to continue to hope that we are moving forward with the planned August cycle. (end of July/early August)
Basically to not count my chickens before they have hatched yet to continue to believe that they will hatch in August! (Or that "my chick/chickens" will be hatching in May of 2012 if the IVF works the first time!)
We also have to pray that the Fisher House (a non-profit military "Ronald McDonald" house on base, actually there are four houses with like six suites each) will have availibility for us. We stayed with them last March when we went down for our IUI (inter-utero insemination) but you will not know if there is a room available until the week before you leave! Since we were told to expect to be in the area for 22 days I know we wont be able to afford a hotel for that long and the Fisher House is our only hope. They have a really neat seat up there, At one of the houses there are six suites located inside, each with a bedroom and bathroom. (like a hotel room) and each house has a common room, living room, and huge kitchen. Each person has their own shelf in the fridge and cabinet. The only hang up is that people who are staying there are coming from across the country for treatment at Wilford Hall. (the hospital there that we are having our procedure done at). So once you are accepted there as a resident you have no limit on how long you can stay. As long as you are receiving treatment there you may stay at the Fisher House. There are people that are there for months at a time so it is just a matter of having a room available.
On to the taxes....I filed ours on April fifth. Yes, late I know this. However i knew we would be doing direct deposit which takes up to eight days and at the time I had not received our package from Wilford Hall about our IVF information which states that our check for $4800 needs to have been received by June fifth. Had I have known that earlier I would have filed in January to ensure we would have had the funds as early as possible. Today is April 26th and we still do not have our much needed refund. After two long hours on the phone with the IRS I learned that everyone who got the 2008 Homebuyers Credit is having delays in getting their refunds back since this is the first repayment year. Apparently they are having some sort of issue with the computer program that is set up for taking the repayments and this is going to delay us getting our refund at the latest of May 27th. Nine days before our payment has to be in Texas.
After talking to a very nice IRS man he offered to file a hardship case in our name and we are supposed to be getting a personal agent that will be researching our account and hopefully that issue will be resolved within 14 work days from now. Which is sooner than May 27th. As horrified as I am that it could take that long I definitely feel bad for all the IRS agents that have to deal with irate people about their two month delay on getting their refunds. I was not irate just stressed out and actually surprised myself at how calm and attitude free I was with this agent. I'm sure it had to do with the fact that he was adamant that he was doing everything to help and was very nice.
So a ton of roadblocks on the way to our sweet blessing but we will prevail somehow!!! Just take a deep breath, do some yoga and pray, pray pray.
So here is an update for the two of you who are actually reading this thing. (thats ok, its more for the relaxation therapy of journaling!)
The civilian company that works with the Air Force to conduct the research and pay the employees that do...well to be honest I'm not quite sure what they do because the Air Force doctors who are enlisted in the service are the actual doctors who are doing the procedure, but the civilian company is a big part of who we are paying and what not....
So my doctor calls me from Texas (where we are having the procedure done) two weeks ago to tell me that the foundation that they have been working with for years abruptly went out of business two days prior to him calling me. He was calling to make sure that we had not sent our check for $4800 yet as they were still taking payments and not telling anyone they had shut down.....I mean you really hear about those things happening on the news but I guess the saying has to come from somewhere....You never think they will happen to you. No, we had not send a payment yet because Nicks signature is required on a lot of the paperwork and also we are still awaiting our tax refund witch will complete our funds needed for the procedure.
On the same front, there is two military hospitals in the United States that do fertility treatments for active duty military and their families. One is Walter Reed Memorial in Maryland and the other is Lackland Air Force Base in Texas. One is run by the Army and one is run by the Air Force. Apparently the Army has decided to take over the entire program and run the one based in Texas run by the Air Force. What that means is that now they are having to switch medical records and systems and transfer everything over....
The good news (if you can call it that) is that they have already contracted with a new civilian company that has a better established history and longer roots in the community so that part is already taken care of. What I was informed was that there is a chance that we could be pushed back to the January 2012 cycle due to the switching of the medical systems and the Army taking over the new contract from the Air Force. I was told not to buy plane tickets (thankfully we are driving) but to continue to hope that we are moving forward with the planned August cycle. (end of July/early August)
Basically to not count my chickens before they have hatched yet to continue to believe that they will hatch in August! (Or that "my chick/chickens" will be hatching in May of 2012 if the IVF works the first time!)
We also have to pray that the Fisher House (a non-profit military "Ronald McDonald" house on base, actually there are four houses with like six suites each) will have availibility for us. We stayed with them last March when we went down for our IUI (inter-utero insemination) but you will not know if there is a room available until the week before you leave! Since we were told to expect to be in the area for 22 days I know we wont be able to afford a hotel for that long and the Fisher House is our only hope. They have a really neat seat up there, At one of the houses there are six suites located inside, each with a bedroom and bathroom. (like a hotel room) and each house has a common room, living room, and huge kitchen. Each person has their own shelf in the fridge and cabinet. The only hang up is that people who are staying there are coming from across the country for treatment at Wilford Hall. (the hospital there that we are having our procedure done at). So once you are accepted there as a resident you have no limit on how long you can stay. As long as you are receiving treatment there you may stay at the Fisher House. There are people that are there for months at a time so it is just a matter of having a room available.
On to the taxes....I filed ours on April fifth. Yes, late I know this. However i knew we would be doing direct deposit which takes up to eight days and at the time I had not received our package from Wilford Hall about our IVF information which states that our check for $4800 needs to have been received by June fifth. Had I have known that earlier I would have filed in January to ensure we would have had the funds as early as possible. Today is April 26th and we still do not have our much needed refund. After two long hours on the phone with the IRS I learned that everyone who got the 2008 Homebuyers Credit is having delays in getting their refunds back since this is the first repayment year. Apparently they are having some sort of issue with the computer program that is set up for taking the repayments and this is going to delay us getting our refund at the latest of May 27th. Nine days before our payment has to be in Texas.
After talking to a very nice IRS man he offered to file a hardship case in our name and we are supposed to be getting a personal agent that will be researching our account and hopefully that issue will be resolved within 14 work days from now. Which is sooner than May 27th. As horrified as I am that it could take that long I definitely feel bad for all the IRS agents that have to deal with irate people about their two month delay on getting their refunds. I was not irate just stressed out and actually surprised myself at how calm and attitude free I was with this agent. I'm sure it had to do with the fact that he was adamant that he was doing everything to help and was very nice.
So a ton of roadblocks on the way to our sweet blessing but we will prevail somehow!!! Just take a deep breath, do some yoga and pray, pray pray.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Our Infertility: A History
A little history of our journey through Infertility
Nick and I have been married for four years and have been trying to conceive for three and a half. As soon as we decided it was time to try for a baby I went right away to check and see if I was ok.
I have had horrible periods my whole life but no one ever suggested anything was wrong. Normal people take pamprin or midol for their pain and I was taking 1600 milligrams of motrin just to get a dull ache for the pain. Throwing up, fevers, sweating and chills went happily right along with getting my period every month. Needless to say I wanted to get checked out before we started our adventure.
The first step in your infertility journey is to make sure that your husbands "swimmers" are legit. Since every female test is considered to be invasive the doctors always want to rule out what is called "male factor" before they start testing on the girls. So poor Nick had to "donate" three times on base over a period of two months because the first sample came back with a poor result. Needless to say after following up with the urologist and a few more samples, we do have "male factor." What that means is that we have poor motility and poor count.
Next we moved on to testing me. I went to a doctor who said that she thought I might have Endometriosis. To make a long story short she convinced me to have a laparoscopy done that would be minimally invasive and if she found the disease she could burn it off. I was surprised having had terrible periods my whole life that no one had ever suggested that I have this disease. The doctor told me she thought it was because I didn't have all the symptoms, which is what they call "atypical." The surgery took place in 2008 and afterwards she told me she saw no signs of Endometriosis.
I had this surgery during Nicks first five month deployment to Iraq.
This was troubling since my periods seemed to grow worse each month and twice I had to go to the ER and get drugs intravenously to stop the pain. Tricare referred us to the Reproductive specialist in Little Rock and to a wonderful doctor named Dr. Miller. This was about six months after the first laparoscopy with the doctor that said I did not have Endometriosis. Dr. Miller asked if I minded doing another surgery for him to look around and see if the first doctor was wrong in her diagnosis. He told me that since it was his specialty he knew to look for things that she couldn't see. Since insurance covered it and I could go to work the next day I said yes.
After this surgery Dr. Miller woke me up with some interesting pictures. I had Endometriosis EVERYWHERE. He said he had no idea what the other doctor was looking for but you didn't have to be a specialist to see all the locations of the disease everywhere inside of me. He burned all of the spots off and told me that fifty percent of people who have the surgery once, fixes the disease and it never returns and the other half has to have repeated surgery every few months or every year.
Two weeks after the second surgery, we went through another five month deployment to Iraq.
As of today I am scheduled to go back in for another surgery because the disease has continued to grow.
Dr. Miller also discovered that I had what was called cervical stenosis, which means I have a much smaller than normal opening to my cervix. Having a baby will fix this problem forever but with the Endometriosis it makes it much harder to get pregnant in the first place. He told me with the three problems that we have:
1. My Endometriosis
2. Cervical Stenosis
3. Male Factor
We had a less than two percent chance of getting pregnant on our own. :(
I was put on 15 milligrams of vicoden to control the pain of my periods and we started our drug cocktail of fertility meds. Finally an answer to my pain AND the beginning of starting our family!!
Our insurance covers all the medications and ultrasounds that you have prior to either an IUI or an IVF but it does not cover the actual treatment itself. So, with that knowledge in hand we set off to do a three month course of clomid with timed intercourse. Clomid, is a pill that you take for four to five days on your period to stimulate your follicles to produce larger eggs, also has the added benefit of making you hormonally insane.
When that method failed, we moved on to stronger drugs, an injectable called Gonal F. We did a few cycles with this with no success and were told that we needed to move on to In Vitro to have the best chance at getting pregnant.
At this time we happen to discover that Wilford Hall at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio was one of the two hospitals in the United States that did fertility treatments at a reduced cost to military families. There was a six month to year wait to get an appointment and then another three month wait after your initial orientation to the program to get a one on one visit with the doctor. We were lucky and got into an orientation only four months after getting on the waiting list. Another lucky happenstance is that I also got to have my one on one the very same day!! It turned out that only myself and the girl that I traveled down there with were there for IUI, (Inter Uterine Insemination) so he took us right away. The others were there for In Vitro.
Three months after my consultation with the doctor Nick and I traveled down to do our first IUI. Our doctor at San Antonio (Dr. King) told us that he didn't think that we had a very good chance with IUI with all of the factors that we had going for us and recommended that we head straight to In Vitro but IUI is completely free of charge where In Vitro is $5000. Since we didn't have that money we decided to try an IUI.
When we went down for the procedure I also found out that I had a third factor, which was that I have an annotated cervix. What that means is that my cervix is angled instead of straight. This made for a painful catheter insertion and a the doctor up on top of the bed I was in, feet on either side of my thighs trying to get it in!! Looking back on it I'm sure the view would have been hilarious if I wasn't in any pain!
Two weeks after the procedure Nick headed out for his third five month deployment to Iraq and I headed to the Emergency room since the procedure didn't work and left me with a five centimeter cyst on one ovary and a cluster of cysts on another ovary. They were removed and I waited on Nicks arrival back to the states.
Now we are at present day and Nick is on his four deployment to Iraq. He is set to come home in May and we are fundraising our way to our first In Vitro in August of 2011 in San Antonio. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes!
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